As the holidays approach, most people’s stress levels increase. When you’re going through a divorce, the holidays add immeasurably to the nearly constant stress you’ve been experiencing. And, when you have children, stress can increase geometrically.
This is the time when parents must summon every bit of self-control and rationality possible from deep within. Children look forward to holidays. They also love their parents. It is, therefore, essential that both parents put aside their anger and hurt so that the holidays will be as happy and fulfilling for the children as possible. Common sense should prevail. Typically holidays are alternated so that each parent has the children on a particular holiday every other year. A common example is to treat Christmas Eve and Christmas Day as two separate holidays. Mom may have the children on Christmas Eve through noon (or some other time) on Christmas Day. Dad would then have the children for the balance of Christmas Day (and sometimes overnight until December 26). The following year would be the reverse.
However, this arrangement certainly, isn’t required. Some families’ traditions revolve principally around a Christmas Eve celebration.
Others do most of their celebrating on Christmas Day. Rather than alternate from year to year, keeping the holiday that is consistent with a parent’s family tradition would most likely make more sense.
Sometimes Thanksgiving Day is treated as a holiday by itself. Other parents define Thanksgiving as the four day weekend. Neither is right or wrong. How a holiday is defined should be a function of past practices, a regard for the changed family dynamic brought about by the divorce, a consideration of holiday travel and common sense.
There are no set schedules or requirements for spending holidays with the children. Parents shouldn’t be afraid to adopt schedules that may seem unconventional if they fit with the children’s schedules and the parents’ new lives.
What is required, however, is putting the children first. They didn’t ask for the divorce. Most likely they are upset by it. Using the holidays and the children for leverage or to exact revenge on a spouse is cruel. By putting aside your anger for your children’s sake, you will increase the chances that the holidays will provide them with a welcome respite from your divorce. You may even enjoy the holidays more yourself.
