We are all living with numerous added sources of stress these days. Some people have lost jobs. Some have health or life-threatening jobs. Children are home twenty-four hours a day. Home schooling still has several weeks to go. Hospitals are over extended. And, people are getting very sick. Some are dying.
When these stressors are added to the emotional upheaval that inevitably comes with the deterioration of a marriage it can create the potential for disaster. Lost income can mean the inability to pay bills, which can trigger the loss of assets or, at least, the very real fear that assets could be lost. The financial crisis that began in 2008 led to record numbers of mortgage foreclosures, a record that is surely in jeopardy now.
And, while all these added factors contribute to worry and concern, spouses who no longer love each other, like each other, or trust each other are forced, by stay-at-home orders, to live under the same roof. In these situations, it is not only important to socially distance when outside the home, it is vitally important to socially distance inside the home.
Keep a safe distance from your spouse – physically if your home is large enough. Or, at least, emotionally if it isn’t. Keep communication to a minimum to try to reduce opportunities for discord. Do your best to overlook your spouse’s failings while sharing tight quarters. Now is not the time to argue over domestic workloads, payment of non-essential bills, or marital infidelities. Arguing over issues like that unnecessarily adds fuel to a smoldering powder keg and invites disaster.
Obviously, avoiding disaster requires both parties to accept a temporary détente, a truce, and that is often too much to expect. Therefore, you should always put health and safety first – yours and the children’s – always. Do not tolerate domestic abuse. Call the police when necessary.
On the other hand, resist the urge to lash out at your spouse, no matter how tense things get. Walk away. Put on a mask and go outside if necessary. The consequences of being a domestic abuser (even if only verbal) aren’t worth the momentary satisfaction or relief that comes with such an explosion. It just isn’t worth it. And what message would it convey to your children?
It’s not easy, but stay calm. Keep your distance. Hold your tongue. And keep your hands to yourself. In the long run it will keep a very bad situation from becoming a disaster. You’ll look back and be glad you did.
