EACH MONTH, CM features Divorce Talk by Peter C. Paras, a shareholder in the Paras, Apy & Reiss (PAR) law firm. This April, PAR is celebrating its 23rd anniversary of practice in Red Bank. The founding partners, Peter C. Paras, Patricia (Tricia) E. Apy, and Bonnie M.S. Reiss left successful practices in large law firms in 1996 to create a boutique law firm dedicated solely to the practice of divorce and family law. All three partners recognized that clients in divorce cases experience strong emotions and upheaval and consequently rely on their lawyers more than in other areas of the law. With large firm bureaucracy eliminated, PAR offers more personal and effective service. PAR now has five attorneys specializing in divorce and family matters and a loyal longtime support staff. Here is an excerpt of their take on the state of family law and the dynamics behind PAR’s success.
What is the secret to your longevity?
BONNIE: Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg quotes her mother-in-law as saying, “Sometimes it makes sense to be a little bit deaf.” While I use that quote alittle bit in jest, the point is that all of us have good days and bad days. If someone is having a bad day and says something that stings, you can’t take it to heart. You have to decide what issues are most important to stand your ground on. Once you do that you also have to approach the apparent conflict as a problem to be solved rather than a battle to be won. We have each experienced our own difficult and joyful lifecycle events and we have always been there to support one another in the good times and to help out during the rough times.
PETER: The secret is that we all think the other two are great lawyers, we trust each other, and, perhaps most importantly, we like each other. Over the years we’ve had disagreements, as any group of partners would, but we’ve found a way to accommodate each other’s needs and viewpoints, reached a consensus, and moved on. It really can work if you’re prepared to talk with each other. Although the three of us are very different, we share the same priorities: The highest quality of work for our clients, honesty, and our own families. Having the same core values is important.
TRICIA: I love telling people that the three of us have practiced law together based upon a handshake, rather than a multi-page partnership agreement. Ultimately, the only way something like that can work is with the cultivation of trust. After 23 years you get to know someone very well. We share a commitment to excellence in the practice of law, and to one another in doing so. We have a strong work ethic, undoubtedly a product of all of us having been raised by parents of “the greatest generation.” We are all devoted to our families. Ultimately, we are members of the “Ask Not..” generation and believe that we have an obligation to improve the world, impact on the provision of justice and give back to the community as a whole.
What is an unusual or memorable case among the many you have handled?
TRICIA: I practice International Family Law. Most people have trouble picturing what that means, until I mention my representation of local father, David Goldman, in his successful efforts to repatriate his abducted son from Brazil. Because that case was extraordinarily complicated, emotional, and litigated in a global forum in front of the camera, it is filled with stories, which are hard to forget. But my work has taken me around the globe, and given me hundreds of extraordinary moments, heartbreaking as well as exhilarating, I’ve been extremely fortunate.
BONNIE: It’s hard to choose one. I served as a guardian for a child in a case where the parties got married very young. They moved away from friends and family and the wife had a child very quickly after a difficult pregnancy with a cancer scare. She was having difficulty functioning and after court wrangling, was given very limited time with her child. I met with both parents and got them talking. They started to understand the other better. They now share custody and have been able to work together to make important decisions for their beautiful little boy. In another, I was retained to represent a mother who had shared custody equally with her wealthy husband. He gave their daughter a wonderful life during his time with her and paid substantial child support. He died suddenly without maintaining the life insurance he was required to maintain in the divorce agreement. The judge required the estate to provide the life insurance amount to the mom in a trust that she controlled for the child, doubled the child support and required the estate to pay the costs of the litigation.
PETER: People going through divorce often do the oddest things. I’ve written about some in this month’s Divorce Talk: Wait! What? I wrote about others in Divorce Talk: Did They Really Do That? in the November 2014 issue of CM. I think you’ll find them amusing at first, but sad after you have a chance to think about them.
Each of you enthusiastically mentioned the talent and loyalty of the associates, paralegals, secretaries and “jack- of-all trades” bookkeeper as advantages to your clients. What other advantages do clients have at a firm of your size?
PETER: The three of us, collectively, have more than one hundred years’ experience just in family law. The second advantage is that we only practice family law. We’re not dabblers. We are focused, and have only been focused, on family law.
TRICIA: What makes us different is our ability to hear our clients, see them at this time of transition in their lives, and work toward having an individualized approach to addressing the problems they are experiencing.
BONNIE: We have the combination of a lot of experience with different types of family law cases- which involve many other areas of the law- with a small team. We address different types of business issues in distributing income and valuing businesses, psychological issues in custody and visitation disputes, battered women’s syndrome, international issues, cyber security, estate issues where a parent has died without meeting obligations. Our clients get that benefit without being handed off from one lawyer to another.
Do you have a particular specialty?
TRICIA: My practice tends to focus on complicated international and interstate family and divorce matters, particularly those that involve children and child custody.
BONNIE: I have developed a practice in Private Dispute Resolution (also Alternate Dispute Resolution) which is comprised of mediation, arbitration and collaborative divorce. This allows people to resolve their issues outside of court and avoid the wait, and embarrassment of airing difficult issues in public. It also lets people come to agreements that a judge may not have the legal authority to order. When people reach agreements using these processes they are much more likely to hold up over the long term, and if for some reason they stop working down the road we can get back together and address the specific issue efficiently and less expensively. I have also been doing quite a bit of work serving as a guardian for children in custody disputes.
PETER: My practice focuses on litigation. I’ve tried several hundred cases over my career. Primarily my cases involve custody and other parenting issues and complex financial divorces, although I also handle less acrimonious and less complex cases as well. No matter what the case is about or how simple or complicated it is, we try to reach a settlement through negotiation and compromise as a first resort. Trial is a last resort.
What changes in the field have you observed in the past 23 years?
PETER: The most significant change in our field that I have noticed in the 42 years I’ve practiced family law and in the 23 years of our firm’s existence is not a change in the law. It is a change in attitude. Divorcing couples seem more angry than ever. There is an increasing lack of acceptance that there is another perspective that might be legitimate enough to consider. More people are more angry and less willing to listen than they were years ago.
TRICIA: I think the most profound change in my practice is the speed with which it is done. I am expected to know the contents of an opinion, rendered by a Court on the other side of the world, in a language I don’t speak or read, within hours of a Judge rendering a decision, while I was asleep seven time zones away. It makes for a very exciting intellectual pursuit.
And Bonnie summed up what makes the partners want to go to work every day.
BONNIE: Aside from our team and the other things discussed above, people are fascinating and every day is different. This practice allows us to meet new and different people and help them through a difficult time. The best cases are the ones where we know we helped our clients be in a much better place at the end of the process than they were in the beginning. That is pretty gratifying.
Visit par-law.com for videos of the partners and more information on issues facing families.
The information in this article is not intended as legal advice. For legal advice you should consult an attorney.
